The Dreaded 2WW

If you are part of the IVF cool kids group, you know all about the dreaded “two week wait”. It should honestly be called the 500 year wait, because that is exactly what it feels like. Layer on the most insane anxiety you’ve ever had on top of a shit ton of hormones and a hyperawareness of every single feeling you have in your body, hoping it’s a sign.

I remember wishing I could pay extra to just be put into a coma and woken up after they had the results of my beta……it was that miserable. Going through any fertility treatment is a multi step journey, and by the time you get to the 2WW you are usually so burnt out both emotionally and physically that you are about to just completely lose your mind. But instead, you get to wait 14 whole days and “relax”. You have to act like you are pregnant, but not know if you are. All your vices are gone- wine, chocolate, coffee, and literally everything you do makes you wonder if you just ruined your chances for success.

Because at the end of the day, all we really want is to feel like we have some sense of control over something we have absolutely no control over.

Old Wives Tales become Gospel Truth
The craziness takes you to places where you would never have ventured before….where old wives tales become fact and if someone told you to spin 3 times and then chop off your hair you would do it. Most common beliefs are that you need to eat a whole pineapple before your transfer and then stop and get McDonald’s french fries after. Crazy right? It won’t seem so on your two week wait. The most logical, sound people I’ve ever met believe these things wholeheartedly. Because at the end of the day, all we really want is to feel like we have some sense of control over something we have absolutely no control over.

Why Don’t You just Chill and Watch TV?
Watching TV or reading books to escape your reality is an amazing idea! Until you realize HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE PREGNANT, GETTING PREGNANT OR HAVING BABIES on every single show. I remember being like ok, this is on the science channel, it should be safe. NOPE! Ok, what about this show about cars? NOPE! I literally thought to myself “someone needs to come up with a list of 2WW approved shows”. So I did, and here you go:

• Gilmore Girls (except season 3, episode 16 and season 5, episode 6.)
• Luke Cage
• Daredevil
• Game of Thrones
• Friends (except season 8, episode 3.)
• Early seasons of The Office
• Ozark
• Shitt’s Creek
• Parenthood
• Making a Murderer
• 7 Days Out
• Chef’s Table
• Dogs

The 2 weeks are long, but the longest part of them all are the hours you have to wait on that 14th day between your beta test and that call that has the possibility of changing your life. I have never been so excited and terrified for a call in my life. I’ll never forget that my boss invited the team out to lunch and I hadn’t gotten my call back yet. I was so worried about what I would do if the news was terrible. I drove myself, so I could just head directly home crying if I needed to. I vividly remember my phone ringing and going outside of the restaurant, sitting on the park bench and hearing the words “you’re pregnant”. They were the most beautiful two words I had ever heard in my life, especially since I’d been waiting to hear them for so long. It was literally the first call with any sort of positive news I’d ever received from the clinic. I sat there, soaking in the news, not believing it was real for what seemed like forever. I wanted to dance and shout from the rooftops “I AM PREGNANT!!!! EVERYONE! IT FINALLY WORKED!” But in the back of my mind I wouldn’t let myself have that moment. I’d had too much failure, and was afraid to rejoice in the news for fear this too would cause me more heartbreak.

I’m happy to say that my pregnancy was uneventful. My numbers more than doubled with my second beta, and I was able to loosen up a bit more after hitting my 13 week mark, but at the end of the day the daily fear that something would happen was real. I microwaved the shit out of everything, and every twinge or stretch I felt I assumed was something going terrible wrong instead of being amazed at the wonderful things my body was doing.

Thea joined us 5 weeks before her due date, and it makes me laugh when people tell me that I must have calculated the date I got pregnant wrong. I just think to myself “Oh honey, if you ONLY knew.” She’s 3 now, and still has strong feelings about most things and needs to do them in her own time, which is at least consistent to how she came into this world. Always late and always with a dramatic entry! The restaurant is closed now, and when they announced they were going out of business it hurt my heart a bit as it held such a special memory. The bench is still there though, and I can’t wait to sit on it with my daughter when she is older and tell her all about the day I learned she would make me a mom.