My 2019 goal was to find balance in this crazy life of mine, and make sure it was the top focus. I’ve always been a bit of a roll with the punches, free spirit kind of gal, so recognizing I needed to take active steps towards not feeling like my life was snowballing out of control was a feat in itself. When it got down to it though, I realized that goal doesn’t make a whole lot of sense until I could figure out exactly how I was going to go about accomplishing it.
One of the biggest areas I personally struggle with is not putting myself last. This morning I realized this needed to be my number one focus was when I went to put my socks on and realized they were “borrowed” from my mom when I went on a trip home from college. Mom, if you are reading this, sorry. I have your navy blue socks with the white dots that went missing over 15 years ago. All of my underpants are full of holes, and my favorite shoes are from Costco. It’s not that my life forces me to put myself last. I don’t feel pressure from my family for this. Simply, I am juggling too much to prioritize myself and the things I need always get pushed to the bottom of the list.
So now that I know it’s actually something that is essential for reaching my goal of balance, how can I begin to make myself a priority?
Realize that I am Worthy and Deserve a Treat Every Once in Awhile
I honestly do NOT know where this one came from. I’m a confident person….right? I think at the end of the day though, I had such fun for so long taking hours shopping for myself and finding those awesome bargains I’ve been known for for so long. So now that I don’t have time to do that, I’m like holy shit I can’t believe I’m paying $20 for underpants simply because I don’t have time to spend hours browsing the clearance aisles or finding the next big deal. I also am learning how to dress this new body of mine. Growing a baby causes changes, and while I am happy with how I look, my shape is different, and shopping can be frustrating. Worrying that what something looks like on the hanger vs. how it looks on me is still something that will always be there.
Stop Feeling Guilty When I Take Time Away From my Kid
The working Mom guilt I have is no joke, and even 3 1/2 years in I struggle daily. Thank God she’s no longer sobbing and clawing at the windowed door at daycare as I back out, leaving her for the day. If you ever want to feel like someone is literally ripping your heart out of your chest, put yourself through that every morning. It just makes it all feel so unnatural. On top of that, she’s growing so fast, and I waited so long to be a mom, so I want to spend every minute with her when I’m not at work. I also get these random pangs every once in awhile when I see all the things my stay at home mom friends are doing with their kids. Seeing these posts or hearing about these fun adventures makes me want to fit a bunch of trips and crafts into our evenings and weekends so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on those experiences. I know, I know. I totally just made myself look like that super insane helicopter mom. First step is acceptance right? I’ve accepted it. And I also know that I need balance in my relationships. I deserve to be able to sit down and have an adult conversation without having to be wondering if my kid is throwing things in the toilet or sitting inside the fridge eating processed cheese.
Not Everything Needs to be “Pinterest Perfect”
If I don’t have time, or don’t feel like making that perfect dinner (no matter how easy it is) then I need to just not do it. No one is going to be mad about it, no one is going to think I failed, and we don’t have to be 100% healthy all the time. Last night I put this into practice for the first time and told my husband that even though I bought stuff for dinner I wasn’t going to be making it and we were ordering in instead. We sat on the couch and ate sushi while watching Thea practice her new training wheels. And do you know what? Not only was it actually relaxing, it was great to take the time to bond as a family.
This isn’t going to be a project with a beginning and an end. It’s not going to stop when (or if) I set a new goal for myself in 2020. 2020???? Holy hell, is that next year already? It’s going to be a fluid, always evolving, always changing project that will just layer onto where I’m at in my life at that time. There’s no perfect solution for everyone or for a specific life season. Take the time to realize what areas of your life could use a little attention. Are you one of them?