I miss my normal. I honestly don’t need a break, I just want my normal back. The past week has been nuts. My life is generally nuts, I know. I also know I talk about it all the time. I have a 3 year old that talks back to me from sun up to sun down and a full time job. I have a house, a dog, friends and a blog. I have bills and a very set routine that if something unplanned comes up makes it rough for me. If a lot of unplanned things come up I pretty much don’t know what to do with myself.
If a lot of unplanned things come up I pretty much don’t know how to function.
As you all know due to my dog surgery blog article which morphed into a PTSD post which morphed into an generic fear of loss post- my dog had surgery Friday. Hey, writing is cathartic and my favorite therapist ok? My keyboard helps me work out more shit than someone who charges $150 an hour would. Anyways, you all know my dog had surgery last Friday. It was a big one- he had 9 masses removed from all over his body and some of them were quite large. His recovery has put a damper in my time for myself. My gym time. My yoga time. I’m basically feeling how I do when Thea’s daycare is closed…..which I dealt with last month. I went back to the office today and was so excited to pack my gym bag and to get back to work. To my normalcy. He puked during a conference call, and then ripped open his stitches. My car is full of blood. My house that literally was just cleaned by the cleaners. My work backpack which is one of the nicest things I own. Murder scene blood level. My meal plans out the window. My going to the gym finally out the window. My eating by 7 out the window.
Sometimes you have too many priorities to fit into a day, and being a mom, the ones that only effect you are what get pushed to the back burner.
I see these posts on Instagram all of the time about priorities and as long as you make whatever it is a priority, you will do it. “You just aren’t prioritizing the right things if you’re not exercising, or focusing on self care.” Let me break it down for all you annoying quote posters. Today I had to work because I have a mortgage. I had to take my dog to the vet because it was an emergency. I’m having to cook dinner even after all of that because we had so many bills this week I can barely look at the statement. Anyone else ever had to pay out of pocket for a surgery, trailer and daycare all in the period of three days? I wouldn’t wish it on the worst of my enemies. I wanted to go to the gym today, I want to order in expensive Indian takeout and have me time on the couch and reset after a really shitty day. But you see, that’s not really in the cards for me. I need to make sure I’m being frugal. I need to take care of my family, not just myself. Sometimes you have too many priorities to fit into a day, and being a mom, the ones that only effect you are what get pushed to the back burner.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m ok with change and with sacrifice. I recognize I can’t control my life in the way I would like. I need to ebb and flow with challenges and opportunities that come my way. And I’m ok with that! It’s when there is ALWAYS SOMETHING. The past few months it has just kept coming and I need some blips of my routine that help with my sanity. I love my family. I am grateful for the opportunity to even run into these challenges. It means I’m surrounded by people that I love so much more than myself. But it’s hard!
This week I’ll be working on mindset. It’s the only thing that has no additional time required and is a priority that can run simultaneously with my many others. Focus on the good. Stop feeling guilty. Love who you are and be proud of the amazing things you have done recently. Take 2 seconds to look at your family and feel joy. Hopefully this will help the control (or lack of) feel like less of a problem and more of a blessing.
This week I’ll be working on mindset. It’s the only thing that has no time needed and is priority that can run simultaneously with my many others.