Ohhhh Lordy what a morning. It started by waking up to someone mowing the lawn way too damn early. And then became frantic. I realized I had forgotten that today was Thea’s preschool day at the exact moment my phone dinged reminding me of a video call I had starting in 10 minutes. TEN MINUTES. I still didn’t even have pants on. I also knew that a storm of whining was about to rain down on me. My sweet child loses all sense of decency when her morning routine doesn’t go exactly the same every single day. So, I needed to somehow get dressed, make her breakfast, put on Bluey, and email preschool in that short period of time. Oh, and make myself coffee. Obviously.
I tossed on the Aladdin shirt that I had purchased for our cancelled Disney World trip (thanks COVID). Wiping yesterday’s mascara from under my eyes, I ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to look like I combed it. I logged on to my meeting and listened to conversation about hand weight shipments and inventory feeds. With impressive mom skills I crafted Thea’s breakfast and lunch out of view from the camera. And then I poured myself a giant ass cup of coffee.
Why is it that every time I’ve figured out the perfect routine to this “new normal” I realize I still have no idea what the hell I’m doing? And why is it that I feel bad about that? Doing the best we can with where we are at in that moment is ok. It’s more than ok. It’s impressive. We are working, parenting and living in a pandemic. And we are at the point where we have been doing it for so long it feels like we need to do a great job at it. Just because we’ve been living this way for 5 months now doesn’t make it any less hard. The anxiety and fear are not going to dissipate, because this virus is still a very real thing. While we may call this our “new normal” I want to remind everyone that there is nothing normal about it.
I realized when I got into the car to head up to preschool that anxiety and frustration with myself was consuming me. So much so, that I was actually about to cry. And then I realized that I needed to cut it out. I need to put a lot more energy into giving myself grace, not trying to be perfect at all the things I am juggling. Why did I care so much that Thea put her pants on inside out this morning and that I let them stay that way? Why do I always feel like I need to do everything, and do it perfectly? So, I turned on some Dua Lipa and started singing and dancing. We had a full-blown dance party and sing along the entire 30 minute drive to preschool. And it was awesome.
Did a full 180, crazy
Thinking ’bout the way I was
Did the heartbreak change me? Maybe
But look at where I ended up
I’m all good already
So moved on, it’s scary
I’m not where you left me at aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall
To the woman who was next to me at the red light as I bust some serious moves and shook my hair- you could learn a lesson from me. Let loose. Find joy in the little things. And when you are stressed, dance it out.